my owner hates me I think she doesn’t understand what she’s saying is really hurtful – she keeps talking about her other dog that was a great Purina or Papereni  or something and I really feel it’s unfair because she talks about how beautiful he was and what great dog he was and how she misses him so much and sometimes she even cries and.. I’m right here!!!

I’ve heard her say she’s not sure she wants to keep me – she says I’m really unbalanced – I look like two dogs – my head looks like one dog and my body looks like another dog – what is wrong with her – can’t she see I’m one dog??  she says I’m not socialized – whatever that means – but she does say I’m fun to sleep with even though sometimes I growl when she moves her toes – I’m trying to stop doing that..

my last owner didn’t like me either – I guess I growled at the baby – it wasn’t me ..the baby stuck her finger in my ears – anyway I was in a cage a lot of the time and there was this other dog I think it was a Pomerbran or Romera and he was really bad -he tried to hurt me a lot but he got to stay in the house – but ME – I got stuck in a cage!! So I don’t trust people very much and I think the second I they get hold of my collar it’s off to the cage…

one night while we were watching TV my new owner took my collar on and off for like a really long time and then she tried other collars – even a weird little suit with straps – she let me play with them and then she threw them around the room for a few days like she didn’t care about them but I think – she’s not gonna put me in a cage..

I do have this problem when I see dogs across the street I really don’t understand why I do this but I kind of lose control which seems to upset my owner because she’s screaming NO and trying to pull me away – I can’t figure out what part of danger she doesn’t understand …at least I got a nice car ride after that ..  to a lady who seemed to have lots and lots of dogs – she talked with my owner for a while and then she went away and came back with a little dog – I didn’t know what I was supposed to do so I didn’t do anything – then I was supposed to wait and she came back with a bigger dog and I didn’t wanna have anything to do with that dog – and then she went away and came back with a really horrible big dog that was growling and barking and lunging towards me and I just couldn’t figure out why my owner was doing this! what was I supposed to do? So I hid behind Her – the lady said I was having a meltdown..

then my owner also took me to her friends house who have two dogs that I was supposed to have met before – so this other lady grabbed the my leash and walked into the house – my owner was still outside and inside there was lots of danger and everyone was shouting and screaming and there was barking and growling and my owner kept yelling – get them in the backyard – so my owner made it to the backyard where I was busy trying to destroy the danger and everyone was still yelling stop and so I finally decided to go and chase a ball. After that we all played for a while – my owner wasn’t playing and she looked unhappy – I’m sure she was thinking about her other dog or should I say dogs because she also had two Loberaders something or other and they were the best dogs  ever too – so what’s the point of even trying to be good..

 then my owner called another friend who is a GermaSheepher specialist – you know like those really mean guard dogs with a really nasty attitude but I guess when they’re trained they can be nice – anyway apparently she was going to get a dog from her but it didn’t work out. I heard about that dog too – how my owner regretted her decision ..I mean really? Does she think I’m deaf??

that trainer told my owner to see another trainer and off we went went to get help – which I guess my owner thought I needed.. .. it was not a very big room but it felt kind of new and scary and my owner was pulling me around and making me do stuff and giving me treats which I didn’t want and the trainer came out with some other treats and she said if she doesn’t take these – treats won’t work – so that really scared me and I ate the treat …boy it was yummy !!!  the trainer said it was frozen oregoni meat – the best treat and very expensive – I guess that means I have good taste!! – but I also wanted more and so I did more stuff – at one point the trainer said stop doing the salsa with your dog – I guess that means I’m not a very good dancer.. zero points for me..

anyway I was walking around with them  and we passed this cage a couple of times and I realized there was this huge dog I think his name was Brutus or Beuno or something – he was so big and the trainer said he was a Roderwel or Rotorouterwyler – whatever – and he just sat there looking at ME!  really?? I’m supposed to do stuff and listen to my owner?? what if they open the cage? so I pretended he wasn’t there – it’s kind of a Zen space I go to when the danger is really bad – but the trainer said I was in meltdown mode ..what does that mean?

of course my owner starts talking about her other dogs again and how her Laberonies and her Puyreeni were really great and did all the stuff  I was trying to figure out – yeah sure – they didn’t just weigh 30 pounds could’ve probably trashed that Beuno guy from what I heard – but this Brutus guy looked really bad – like really bad! So what was I supposed to do? my owner liked him! but didn’t seem happy with me – so I kept sitting every chance I got to get more of the yummy ogenni treats.. anyway when we got back in the car – which I love – she was very quiet all the way home (she usually sings with other people in the car nnd talks to them too) and this time there was no one except us..I felt bad – I think it had something to do with me but I didn’t know what to do and when we got home she was still quiet and played the piano for a couple of hours.. which I love…

I try to snuggle with my owner as much as possible  she seems to like it and sometimes when she cries I think I m making her feel better but I can’t be sure she’s not thinking about her other dogs so I try to think about what I’m good at – I always pee and poop in the yard – I let her know when I need to go – I don’t chew on stuff and I stay in bed until she’s ready to get up and I don’t ever wake her up …I heard her say that to someone that was one of my good qualities!!  yay.. one point for me!!

there’s still that problem across the street – the danger problem – the other day I was sure I had to get across the street and eliminate the danger – unfortunately my owner wasn’t ready to run across the street with me and dragged me around the corner and pushed me down to the ground – I was scared there was so much danger – but then I forgot about it when we kept going – I could tell she was not happy – so it was back to the trainer where Bruno or Buster or whatever was – and apparently I was getting a new spiky silver collar – I liked it!!  it makes me look like a scary dog and I need that!! so I now have three collars – one that says who I am and smells like me – one that’s like a little suit and now my big spiky silver collar. ..unfortunately I was a little overconfident and tried to take out a really big mean Gery shepher  – that spike collar – it made me stop – I think I get that I’m not supposed to do that..

how can I make my owner love me or at least keep me? I know her other dogs were really beautiful and I know I’m not and I know she loved them so much and I wish I were them but I’m not so I guess it’s up to me – but it’s also up to her because I’ll never be them.. I’m always so happy when we go for walks and she comes home from shopping and she usually brings me a toy – which must mean she likes me – and she’s very nice to me but I’m still not sure about her – she seems to go up and down and sometimes it feels like she doesn’t know I’m there – she said I have no idea where you are in the house – I always knew where he was (her big huge – probably as big as the whole sofa dog..) …..I don’t get it! !! I’m usually on the sofa too..  apparently he was all white with long fluffy hair, beautiful brown eyes that looked orange in the sun ..and this is really weird – she has this really big plastic bin in her garage filled with hair and I heard her tell someone it was from one haircut from her big dog!

you could put three of me in that bin – one haircut???  is that possible? And why does she still have it???

To be continued….

My mother was an Austrian Cuddle dog and my father was a Bagel and I guess that’s why I have floppy ears I wish I had my mommy‘s ears – then I think I would look better – my owner says I’m homely..I love being at home! We finally agree on something..

lately I’ve been pretty bad – there’s been lots of danger everywhere and my owner gets worried and is walking me  late at night so I don’t see anything.. she’s pretty stressed out and she spends a lot of time crying I’ve heard her say it’s because of COVID -and that she was having flash backs of bad things because of me!! am I COVID??

sometimes it feels like there are a lot of people in the house – my owner has a big shiny box and a little shiny box and people are in the boxes because I can hear them but I can’t smell them and she is always talking to them and they talk back I guess they don’t know I’m here because a lot of times she talks about me to other people who talk about me too …I heard some terrible things about how I wasn’t being very good and that in the past there was talk about putting me down….and when she said that she sounded really really sad .. I don’t understand!! I always lie down when she asks me to -she never has to put me down!! I just do it  – so I don’t know what to do – I’ll just try lie down more.. she was talking to someone and saying how I was really aggressive and I heard them say  – she’ll probably   never change since she’s four ..I’m four??  four what?..and maybe my owner  should give me back – I heard it it – I did!! back to the poberanean – back to the cage .. my owner was crying and she said she wasn’t going to give me back until after the new year! really ??  – it’s all over for me .. I give up ..  

my owner called her psychcondiatrist on her little box and l heard him say she was having flashbacks because she couldn’t protect me and it reminded her of the times in her life she couldn’t protect her self ….and the stress of a COVID was making it worse..I felt really sad because I didn’t know people had hurt her too..and it’s up to me to protect her now – but how can do that but if I am COVID??

we had a big emergency the other night !! my owner seemed really jumpy and there was a water sound even though it wasn’t raining and I growled and she went up to check outside and she checked the cellar and got really upset and grabbed me and just put my one collar on (she forgot the other two) and ran out of the house with her little box and I heard her call and say 911 – she said there was sewage in the cellar – I don’t know what sewage is but it smelled like poop to me – bad poop -and she wanted someone to come right away we were in the middle of the street and it was really dark and there was no one there – so I just stayed really close to her and sat near her foot …and then big trucks came and men with big big sticks and they were on the street and they pulled up the big round things in the street and they made big heavy metal sounds and my owner was very upset -she asked a man what she should do and he said she should call someone to clean up the cellar and so she started talking with her a little box and we were in the street with the trucks and all these men and lights and she was on the little box and I heard the box saying they could come tonight and then they were more trucks and people in white suits and helmets and hoses and they went into the house and down to the cellar and I just stayed with her because I knew she was really really upset -and then we went back in the house and it was getting light outside and she was on the sofa and she fell asleep – but I stayed up sitting next to her and I was making sure that those people couldn’t get to her – and she woke up a couple of times and saw me sitting and gave me a big hug and I felt really important!! I was protecting her and I didn’t bark even though there were lots of men and trucks

I was just making sure she knew I was there for her.. I think things changed after that she hugged me a lot in the next day after everything was cleaned up and when the painter came I didn’t bark I just stayed close to her and she hugged me more she gave me tummy rubs and rubbed my ears and gave me treats …..maybe she won’t bring me back …

we had a walk today snd nothing happened!! actually I pooped and peed – my second trainer said that I lift my leg when I pee and I pee everywhere like a boy but I think it’s important for people to know I’m here so I’m not gonna let that make me feel bad ..I wonder if my owner has noticed there are no raccoons or skunks in the yard anymore ..probably not…

 I’’m back to sleeping on the bed which is nice I had an issue with toes under the covers when they move it’s scary and I growl at them because I don’t know they’re  toes.. I just see the cover is moving!! so one day my owner just pushed me off the bed for growling and put lots of pillows around herself  and went back to sleep – that wasn’t going to stop me..and when she woke up I was on the bed and the stupid pillows were on the floor – she started laughing.. I love it when she laughs and she hugged me and gave me a kiss on the head (that was weird)  anyway as long as I can sleep on the bed I feel pretty good my chances are better.. my owner has stopped crying since the meltdown she had  – but I think about things that must’ve happened to her before me – she is by herself now – well not really because I’m here but I never see anyone else except on the street everyone looks the same they have big white faces – luckily they all smell different –  and there is never any one but us in the house  – well once the plumber came to fix the faucet and I tried to kill him so that wasn’t good – but he was in the house and that was wrong because no one is ever in the house except my owner and me..

sometimes I think my owner is not happy – she’s always sitting in front of the big box and there are so many people – I hear them all talking to her and she just sits all day and I have to remind her to stop and go out with me – she does the same thing every day – after she wakes gets up she takes me out in the yard to pee and then she feeds me and then she eats stuff that smells better than my food – I try to let her know by looking very sad that I would like some eggs and bacon rather than whatever that is in my food dish – I’ve heard people say the dogs eat anything but I don’t eat anything I just eat what’s in my bowl..  anyway it’s better than before so I’m not complaining and I show my appreciation by eating it.. I still have danger issues I’m not sure what I can do to communicate how dangerous the world is to my owner and I feel responsible for protecting her but she doesn’t understand danger – it puts me in a terrible place because I have to keep her safe but I also need to make sure she’s not upset with me because then I have to go back to the old place and I want to stay with her!! I know I call her my owner but she might not be my owner so I should probably call her by her name which I think is Gargyl – I mean I want her to be my owner but I don’t wanna get my hopes up…

to be continued.

Gargi L is very strange sometimes – she still talks about her other dogs a lot – sometimes she even calls me Emmaduke whoever that is and then of course there is Manny the Purereeni…sometimes I dream I am Manny – I am the biggest dog ever – and I have white hair that is really long and really soft and she loves me more than anyone – I dream that everyone loves me and there’s no more danger .. Manny was a perfect dog ..once she said to someone he was her shining white knight – that is really crazy  the night isn’t white and doesn’t shine so whatever –  I can’t be him anyway and wish I was I was more special so I could stop worrying about being sent back ..I can feel she’s not sure and I know I’m not very pretty or handsome  although I have heard people say I’m kinda sort of cute.. 

she always lets me out when she comes home but one time she left me out in the cold and I couldn’t stop shivering – it was really cold and when she came out she was really sorry and started to cry – she thought I was inside ..she said it was only an hour but I don’t believe her – she was gone forever – and I was going to freeze to death and  maybe then she would feel bad  about not loving me like Manny who had all that fur and of course loved the snow and slept outside all night – well I’m not him and I have no fur on my legs – well hardly any and I hate snow… I hate Manny too – I wish he was dead – well actually he is dead but I wish he would just  disappear – my owner still loves him more than me..

yesterday she took me along to ask the neighbor something and the neighbor said – is that your new dog – and Gargi L said – yes – and the neighbor said – OMG she’s beautiful – and Gargi L said – really?? like she didn’t believe her – seriously??  right in front of me!!!  the first time I get a compliment and she ruins it.. but I still want to be her dog …I just have to figure out how to get rid of Manny… 

I’ve had a rough time adjusting especially when she goes away I sit by the door and when she comes home I sit up and wave my paws around – she always gives me a hug so I’m going to keep doing that -I know she’s getting things because she brings back all kinds of bags and some of them have bread in them (which I love) she lets me stick my head in all the bags which I love to do! she said Manny used to do that – but he didn’t have to climb into the bag – so it’s different.. its actually much harder… 

we went to the trainer again and I was in that room again with Brutus or Bruno but this time there was a blanket over the cage but I knew I knew he was in there – I just pretended he wasn’t there and we walked around and I did sit and down for Gabrgy L and I was doing the right stuff and getting some treats and I have to admit I was getting kinda bored and trying not to listen to them talking about how bad I still was outside – but then the trainer said – let’s try something different- and she brought in a skateboard and she gave me treats and I got on the skateboard and I liked it!! it was fun and I was moving a little bit and I think I can do it better and then there was this flat box with a little funny things that went click and pop and then it was a treat underneath and I figured it out really fast and think the trainer really liked me… I could tell!!  and I got up on a little stool and I sat up and I waved my arms around and she was laughing and my owner was laughing and I was having fun I would’ve laughed but dogs don’t laugh – but I think I’m gonna start calling her my owner again because I think things went well and she was proud of me .. she said – well it looks like I have a circus dog – which made me very excited because I always wanted to be a dog that  saved people and found bombs and I could be with my owner because people let them into stores with their owners and I won’t have to stay in the car – my owner was pretty happy and we went to BurgirRing which I totally LOVE because she gets me a plain burger and gives me pieces in the CAR – it’s the best – but I guess she forgot about the last time..and the  problem where she opened the the window and people got really close to the car and it scared me that they’re close to her and I tried to kill them and she got upset because the food bag got stuck in the car window… but she seems to get over it when she eats french fries – I know this because I had one – she said I can’t have any more because they’re not good for me – I really don’t understand – she eats them and they make her happy..

but the best news is I’m not COVID!!!  heard her say her friend had COVID and  I’ve never seen her friend so it can’t be me – so whoever COVID is they better stay away from my owner because I know for sure she’s afraid of COVID and I will kill COVID before I let him near my owner…

I’m fat!!! Gargy-L says someone told her I was fat – I know what that means..LESS food!!  I’m not sure why I look fat but I think it’s my fur – when I’m upset my fur goes up and makes me look much bigger or maybe I was sleeping when I feel like I am flatter – I don’t know what to do – now I’m stuck being fat and homely which I have discovered does not mean I like being at home – it means that I am not pretty or handsome!! so now I’m not pretty or handsome AND fat….. oh – and she said I have dog breath..what is that supposed to mean??? I’m a dog…

my meals are much smaller and she thinks I didn’t  notice she took one meal and divided into two – instead of giving me the two big ones I still get two but they’re really only half of one – she’s putting in better stuff like chickN which she eats too and some potidoes – it’s really good but not ENOUGH .. now I am hungry  a lot and might have to start  stealing food from the table which I’ve never done before because  tables are really high but I’ve heard it’s possible…

Gargy-L still walks me twice a day and I heard her say I’ve improved – thank you!! it’s about time you noticed… the other day she went to pick up poop – yeah it was mine – and there wasn’t that much of it either – since I’m not getting enough to eat..and there was a big dog across the street and I didn’t do anything she didn’t even notice and then there were two more dogs and I just growled a little bit and she said easy and rubbed my back and things were fine and  when this truck went by and there was a dog stuck to the side of it looking at me I didn’t do anything because I didn’t know what it was – was it a car or was it a dog??  anyway it seems like there is less danger than before and she’s teaching me stuff like – turn – which is fun – I get treats when we go around poles and street hydrants and trees and I follow her around in circles.. 

I’m also going places in the car – she says I have preparation exile – when she leaves me alone – so she takes me on trips and leaves me in the car – when she comes back – she always has something super special for  me – the other day it was a sherimp! yummmmmy ..I really like the car rides but have not been able to control the danger when people come near the car – they are too close to  Gargy-L and I  do not want them in the car – we went to a place and they had a thing that she put stuff in and then she takes it back out and when she took it out it there was a treat in her hand and she kept it ..I know it was there! I saw it – but she didn’t give it to me – I guess is because I was trying to climb out the window to kill the danger….she probably ate it because it just disappeared …

I have had some bad days but  I’ve been letting people go by and I’ve been staying on the sidewalk and I’ve been looking at dogs and maybe growing a little but I’m not pulling her across the street and  she gives me lots and lots of hugs on the walk  – sometimes they feel really tight but I think they’re still hugs – I look forward to the walks – my favorite – besides sitting on the sofa.. but I’m a little worried because we haven’t worked on the circus dog training and I know they’re supposed to train a lot – so I hope she hasn’t forgotten that I still haven’t gotten my skateboard..  I remember a lot of stuff! they say we don’t remember anything after 2 seconds so we need them to use that little clicker thing.. good thing Gargy-L doesn’t use that – I really don’t like it but we remember everything!! I know all the dogs that were on the street – sometimes I don’t know what they look like but I know who they are – I know exactly when she doesn’t put something special in my food and what’s missing – I know what I’m not supposed to do but sometimes I have a hard time not doing it – I remember where my my chew toy is even if it’s under the sofa and I remember exactly what the door sounds like when she’s trying to leave without waking me up…

something VERY exciting happened!!!!!   Gargy-L got me assurance! she was on her little box and talking to someone to get me assurance so she wouldn’t have to pay if I had accidents ..which I don’t understand because I haven’t had accidents since I was a puppy-  I never pee or poop in the house but she said she’s paying a lot of money and I’m covered – she was so happy I didn’t wanna tell her that I think she was wasting her money because I will never have accidents I only pee and poop outside…then she put the little box down and said I guess it’s official.. you’re mine and gave me a hug..  I’M HERS!!!!!!!!! she is my OWN owner …I have assurance!!!